It’s Only Wine ..

So .. I started this blog because I drink ..

I am a mother of a 2 year old son, I’m engaged, I work full time, I am 32, and I enjoy drinking. I have been reading blogs, and watching “You Tube” videos of alcoholics and think “wow, they are really bad” when in reality, they are just like me. Just because I function daily, go to work, and pay my bills, doesn’t diminish the fact that I AM an alcoholic, all-be-it, a functioning one. 

I wake up in the morning and tell myself that I am not drinking today .. but then as the day progresses, the only thing I start to think about is how much wine I have left in the fridge, and when is the earliest that I can have my first drink. The only time I feel as though I don’t have that “pull” is when I am sick, and I mean sick as in the flu, not sick as in hungover. If I feel ok, then I drink daily. There have been plenty of times when I couldn’t give you a date as far as the last time I didn’t have a drink. I usually buy box of wine (because it’s cheaper) and by day 5-6 it is gone. The box says “35 drinks per box” — that’s what I’m consuming weekly, and more! 

I want to quit. I hope to quit. My son just turned 2 and I don’t want him having any memory or recollection of me drinking. I think I remember my parents drinking maybe twice? Yet here I am drinking daily. Not always getting drunk, in fact rarely getting drunk, but definitely “feeling good” by nights end. Hell, I’m currently drinking a glass of wine as I type this, and not my first, but fourth.

So what exactly am I looking to get out of this blog you might ask? Well, it helps to not feel so alone. It helps to know there are other mothers/people out there who feel the way that I feel about alcohol. The ones that try daily to just not drink, but yet, end up pouring that glass of “whatever” by 5pm. I have googled so many alcoholic stories, and I just with there were more. More that I could relate to. 

I want this pull to go away, I want to be there, FULLY, for my son. I don’t want him going to school in a few years and telling his teacher that Mommy drinks .. I am just hoping to document how I feel when I really have the urge/pull, and how I handle it. This isn’t going to be easy, and I am obviously still drinking .. but, as of right now, let’s take it 1 day at a time .. together!